April 23rd, the last day of my journey.
I stop in beautiful Beach, No. Dak., not an ounce of water within 50 miles. I have a very nice visit with my second cousin Gene Skoglund, the county treasurer for Golden Valley County. We had never met before but had found each other on the internet doing family research. He has a lovely wife and eight children and he says he should have had more. I think he has been out to repopulate North Dakota, the western part which is vast and desolate in a grand and semi beautiful way. As I leave Beach with the intention of going to Turtle Mountain, I am seized with the sudden and intense desire to get home. I feel like I am physically and emotionally exhausted, that my quest is finished and I need to see my family. So I 86 Turtle Mountain and head for Fargo, where I am now.
So the question is: did I find myself? If not what did I find? I will partially answer the question, with the caveat that in a few days I may have a slightly different perspective.
I found parts of myself that have been partially hidden. I found out how important is my intense need to love and for love. I found out how important is my need for artistic expression, and beginning to develop an outlet for that was huge. I found that I love telling stories, even if some of them occur only in my imagination. I want to learn how to write. Sometimes I like driving fast. I have a wondrous extended family, which I will continue to reach out to. But mostly I found out how much it meant to me to pay tribute to Sue’s memory in ways I had and hadn’t planned. Through these I found a little certainty in an uncertain world.
I didn’t ask for this life, I wanted to grow old with Sue. This life was thrust upon me and I feel compelled to do something with it. Something to nurture her within me, to nurture myself and my family and to honor the life of a great woman. I have faith, Jon.